Positive Self-Traits

So I decided to write out a list of positive things about myself. I honestly thought I’d struggle to come up with five. I came up with 18. Well, two were goofy things that maybe shouldn’t count, but even that would make it 16. 

One of the silly ones came after my first pen stopped working as I was writing, “I am a good writer.” With a new pen, I wrote, “I appreciate the irony of my pen running out of ink just now.” The other one that maybe shouldn’t count: “I make great froyo selections.” (It’s true though.)

But overall, I came up with legitimately positive traits. Like how I’m empathetic and intelligent, and I semi-reluctantly put down that I’m pretty because it’s something I haven’t really believed. But in recent months, I’ve started trying to listen to my partners (and acknowledge that that’s plural...), and I’ve found that while I haven’t been outright positive in my self-talk about my appearance, I haven’t said shitty stuff to myself about it either. Anyway. Then it dawned on me that maybe I do believe my partners, at least on some level. And I can work with that. 

Not that being attractive is the most important thing. I’ve been the same way about my intelligence. It was just somehow easier to write that down because I feel like I have more “proof,” even though it’s still hard for me to fully grasp. But I have a Master’s degree. I’m thriving in my doctorate program. I have the results from my ADHD testing on the fridge, and the psychiatrist explained that some components of it indicate high intelligence. So, yes, I put it on the fridge as something to be proud of. But also as a reminder for when I call myself stupid. “No, stupid, you’re not stupid. This thing says you’re not.” And the husband administered an IQ test to me in undergrad (he was in grad school though), and I was “above average.” So. Proof. Attractiveness is harder to come by because it’s trusting people, and people can lie. 

But anyway. I came up with 18 things. Thinking about them helped me when I was ruminating at 4:30 in the morning, when I accidentally woke up the boyfriend by messaging him (Y’all. He stays up late every night, and the messenger showed he was online. I don’t just randomly message anyone at 4:30 in the morning.), “Go to bed!” like I do when I wake up in the night. Felt pretty bad when he told me I’d woken him. I needed to do some thought-stopping and challenge my negative self-talk. It wasn’t perfect, but it helped. 

So I recommend trying it out. Make a list of the good things about you. If you can’t think of any, think of what other people say about you, even if you don’t believe it.