Lessons from Social Media
It started with a friend’s request and a few bold but ignored comments on some of pictures.
“Absolutely beautiful” --- ummm thanks? I remember thinking. Not because I don’t think Im pretty, but I just didn’t think it quite deserved that praise. But alright, you’re entitled to your opinion.
I have a Garmin fitness watch and it gets cruddy sometimes… dry skin gets in crevices. Anyway, I was cleaning the back of it with a toothpick when a notification on Instagram came across which also comes across on my watch. On my watch, I have 2 options Like (which is a heart thing) and Dismiss. Normally I ignore the notifications altogether and they go away after a few seconds -- not this time. No, this time, while I was cleaning my watch and chatting with my boyfriend via text, I “like”d the comment/message that came in from IG.
A few minutes later, with a freshly cleaned watch now on my wrist, I was scrolling through IG and noticed a new message - so I clicked on it, as one does.
“Aint too proud to beg.”
Umm what? And I scroll up and I see the previous message.
“You’re so sexy”
And my response was an effing heart, a heart! Because I was cleaning my watch and because instagram has the emotional maturity of a pubescent teen, hot or cold, there is no inbetween.
At this point, I could have… and should have ignored the message altogether. That was my chance, to not have to be overly polite or tolerant or kind. But then, this odd wave of guilt started to creep over, I knew that he saw that I saw what he wrote. Ignoring someone when they’re talking to you is just rude.
“Hi, so how are you?”
“How do you feel about butt sex?”
What the fuck? Did he really just ask me that? What day is this? Ohhhh, it IS St Patrick’s Day… But its like 3 in the afternoon!!! Am I supposed to respond to that? Why would someone even ask that? Is that like an intimidation thing, meant to make me feel small? What the hell is happening here? Why do random men feel like they can talk to women like this? Well fuck that! I’m not intimidated! I’m sex positive. People can have sex however they want as long as it’s consensual.
“I think women should be at least open to the experience if they are in a trusting and consensual relationship.”
Ha, there! Bet you weren’t expecting that answer asshole!
“Are you still living in the area where we went to high school?”
“No, I moved to be closer to my boyfriend.” there! BOYFRIEND! See. BOYFRIEND. Back off buddy.
“Ah, well, he’s a lucky dude, but I bet…...”
And it did NOT get better from there and I stopped responding because I eventually realized he was drunk messaging me. The next day, he apologized profusely and I forgave him which I thought was a mistake, but it wasn’t a mistake for me. He mistook my forgiveness as an extension of friendship, which was his mistake.
Lessons learned.
I don’t have to respond to someone I barely know simply because I saw their message.
I don’t have to prove to anyone that I’m not intimidated by them, especially when I really am. Bravado rarely fools anyone.
I am not responsible for how another adult handles their feelings.
Forgiveness is important, but it’s not for the other person, ever.
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