Time Management

Another topic that people have suggested is time management. I know that before I became polyamorous, one of the things that made me think, “Oh, I could never do that,” is how on earth does anyone have time?

Magic.

And by “magic,” I mean “Google Calendar.” Or I suppose any calendar will do, but through the wonders of Google Calendar, I can share mine with my girlfriend’s while she shares hers with me, and we can see where our free time overlaps. My husband doesn’t keep up with a calendar, but he has sharing privileges to mine and to his partners’, and he keeps communication open as to what is happening when. My boyfriend doesn’t keep up with a calendar either, but he’s of the mindset of just asking him if he’s free whenever, and he tells me when he’s not. It’s worked out so far, but I need to have my life plotted out differently in order to keep up.

We also have all developed routines, which makes things easier to just remember. Sundays, for example, are when my boyfriend goes to our girlfriend’s house for game night and to stay over. Wednesdays are usually when my husband and I split the evening and go out on dates with our other partners (sometimes I use this as a social night too, so I may opt to have a beer and pleasant conversation with a friend instead), but sometimes Wednesdays don’t work for one reason or another, and we have to do Tuesdays or Thursdays (which works out because we don’t have anything set in stone for those days anyhow). Otherwise, Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays are family nights for me and my husband. Over the weekend, I try to alternate between staying overnight with my boyfriend or with my girlfriend. Sometimes it’s a Friday night, but sometimes Saturdays work better. Except on the fourth Saturday of the month, because I typically take a road trip a couple of hours out to a gathering of like-minded poly folks, and I have a date either before or after with my demi-boyfriend out that way (we don’t really have a label). But my husband and I typically only spend one night of the weekend away from each other, but it’s been the whole weekend sometimes in the past.

I work part-time and take online courses for my doctorate program, so my daytime schedule fluctuates but usually has some downtime. So I can sometimes meet up with my girlfriend for coffee dates or with my boyfriend for lunch and binge-watching video game play-throughs on YouTube before I have to head into work for some therapizin’. I try to remember to plug those things into the calendar as I schedule them, and I make sure to do the same with my work hours (which just read as “Client” when I schedule them, because HIPPA). I also plot when assignments are due and schedule time to work on them, because I have a history of over-committing to things and then later realizing that there aren’t enough hours in the day. So I try to stay on top of things because I’d much rather be sleeping than working on a paper due the next day.

It sounds like a lot. And it can be. Sometimes I look at my schedule and see that I can’t see my boyfriend or girlfriend before the weekend because the stars just aren’t in alignment. It’s not the same, but we also keep in contact periodically throughout the day through online messengers, and my boyfriend likes to call a few times a week. (That’s right. We use our phones for phones. Sometimes.)

Anyway. To review: time management is a necessary skill for polyamory. Calendars make it a lot easier, as does communication (because not everything makes it to a calendar). I don’t know how to cleanly wrap this up, so… the end.